…people aren’t usually taught how to receive feedback well.
They’ve never truly understood that all feedback – no matter how hard to hear – can be a real gift. Therefore, it is at least as important to teach people how to receive feedback, as it is to teach them how to give it.
Problems can occur when we fall into the trap of wanting to take people on the change journey in 1 conversation. But sometimes we need to make peace with the fact it can often take 2 or 3 conversations over a number of days before the message and requisite time for processing can properly land.
So, what are some guiding principles to giving and receiving feedback?
Giving feedback, with AID1:
Action
Impact
Do
Once
Action – you did this
Impact – this is how it affected the group/project
Do – next time, do this instead
Once – say it well one time only. Do not repeat the message over and over; doing so causes unnecessary discomfort and actually undermines the value of the message already given
Receiving feedback, with TAR2:
Thanks
Acknowledge
Reflect
Two
Thanks – say thank you – don’t engage in a back and forth – if you are receiving from a junior colleague, it might be helpful to recognise how challenging they will have found it to give the message. Respond that you will think about what has been said rather than engaging in back and forth or justification.
Acknowledge – that we often receive feedback in the same way we respond to change (see Kubler-Ross change curve*) and anticipate you may need to go through several stages before you can properly dissect and integrate this information well
Reflect – spend time considering how this feedback could be helpful for self-awareness and more effective action (even if it is only a small proportion of people who feel this way)
Two – make a mental note of two scenarios where you will adapt with specific examples of what you will do differently
Imagine if all of your team gave and received feedback in this way.
🔐 What could be unlocked that is currently lying dormant or untapped?
🧹 What awkward things could be sorted that have been unaddressed for too long?
💡 What would the culture feel like if people knew that the tough stuff would be discussed but in an open-handed, solutions-focussed way?
As Lencioni tells us, “conflict delayed is conflict multiplied”. I have found this to be true without exception.
Are you going to be brave in your leadership this year and make the positive changes your organisation is crying out for? It can be helpful to have some specific training in this area if it feels like a step change from what has come before.
Drop me an email to scotthalliganleadership@gmail.com if you would appreciate some custom-made training to help your teams develop in this area.